Little Changes
by zealous-obsession
Summary: Piper has decided it's time to make a few small changes that aren't as small as she thinks. Includes halucinations and a freaky dream. Enjoy. Under major construction. Read if you must. :)
1. Project Piper

A/N: Ok, People (yes I will address you as 'People') this is technically still my first fanfiction, ok? I have just learned a lesson and am reviewing my plot and I am also gonna post a lot slower than I did the first time. *slaps hand*  
  
Disclaimer: You guys know the drill. I don't own the characters yada, yada, yada...  
  
Title: Little Changes  
  
*  
  
Sometimes I wish I could change myself; change myself into an object of envy; someone people wish they could be or know. All my sisters envy me for (if anything) is my fairytale marriage and Leo isn't even here most of the time and never when I really need him. I barely even see him because he is always at the beck and call of the Elders. Now I sit here, alone, in our room. "They're calling. I'm sorry," were the last words I heard from him only minutes ago. It was probably a lie. We were in the middle of another one of our arguments about how irresponsible I am. He probably just said They were summoning him so he could save his ass from my wrath. He was the one who brought the subject up.  
  
I fall back on my bed and look at the ceiling, cracked and discolored with age. I let my neck go limp, my head dropping so my cheek rests on the bedspread, and a photo catches my eyes. I clumsily roll over on my side, gripping the frame, drawing the picture close to my face. I roll to my original position on my back still studying the picture of Paige, Phoebe, and I laughing, having fallen back on the couch in a heap. I trace Paige's pale and delighted face with my index finger. Her arm reaches around my shoulder and comes to rest on top of my head, ruffling my hair.  
  
Paige, being the newest member to our household, is such a free spirit. Although she is unemployed, she always finds a way to make herself useful and productive. You can put her in any situation and she'll find a way to help. Another thing about her is she wears anything and everything and most of the time she can come up with this original, one-of-a-kind outfit that no one could pull off but her. She always wears things that really express who she is, plus, she has a large bust line that looks great in anything. Wish I were beautiful... Not a day goes by when I don't wonder why Leo hasn't divorced me for someone as beautiful as her. I didn't even have boobs until high school... If you can even call them breasts now.  
  
I drag my finger gently across the photo and touch Phoebe's bright face, almost glowing with laughter. Her head is gently resting on my shoulder and her hand is reaching to grab Paige's. She seems to want to give a little piece on affection to both of us, reassuring Paige and I that she will be there for life.  
  
Phoebe is so smart and more successful than I could ever imagine. Even before she went back to school, I always admired her for her brains and wits. She is always storing away information and I don't know what I'd do without her. Our Phoebe is the only one in the manor with a real job; she's a columnist and a damn good one at that. She always knows the right thing to say and has found a way to use this ability to make money. Wish I had a talent like her... Owning and managing a club takes no real intelligence; at least not any remotely interesting or eccentric. Phoebe has everything going for her. I mean, a great job, good looks, and people asking her advice! The only thing I'm good for is cooking, baking, and making potions, which anybody could do with a little practice.  
  
I lift my finger off the protective glass and look at it as a whole. I look at the person in between those two beautiful and strong women. She falls in comparison to her friends, her sisters. I see an annoyed smile playing at my lips as my eyes strain to see the hand atop my head. My hand reaches to lift Paige's off my hair; my other hand reaches over to rest on Phoebe's cheek as if to make sure it's her temple resting against mine. Looking at myself, I'm ashamed... I feel unworthy of their presences...  
  
How can I become their equal? Maybe even their role model? How can I become a real older sister? Well, I could get breast implants. Yeah! But, wait... Those are really expensive... I don't even think Phoebe would be able to afford those, not like she needs them. Ways to make them look bigger... I could always stuff my bra or even better, I could make my body smaller so my boobs would look bigger. A diet or two would help in that department. I guess I'm not as stupid as I thought! Maybe Leo will be around more after I fix myself and we can renew our vows and finally have a family. Think of how much a simple change like that could improve my life.  
  
What else can I change about myself? How can I make myself more appealing as a person? I could find a new talent; cooking just isn't cutting it. I've been cooking most all my life and haven't really made that much of a career out of it. I could learn how to sing, dance, or, dare I say it, strip... No, not stripping; then Leo would never come back to me. Plus, I'd have to do the 'changing my body' thing first and I don't know how long it'll take to do that. I think I'll settle for singing... I'll probably start out with karaoke style stuff at the club. Maybe I could do a little strip tease too; just a little skin... That'll do...  
  
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A/N: I remind and encourage you to review! I'd really appreciate it! 


	2. A Penny For Your Thoughts

A/N: Panpipes, although I didn't like hear that this version isn't as good as the first, thanks for letting me know. The reason why I redid this is because I didn't know where the plot was going and I thought that I could have added more detail.  
  
Sunlight streaks through the window, forcing me to squint as I am drawn to alertness. Looking over at my alarm clock, I see it's already eight and I swing my legs off the bed and into my pink fluffy slippers. "Leo? Wake up. It's..." I look over to see his side of the bed empty, the sheets wrinkled and his pillow still slightly indented where his head was. "Leo? Leo! Where are you?" Blue lights surround and release his form in front of my eyes.  
  
"Right here. What's the matter?" He comes around from the other side of the bed and sits down next to me, his forehead wrinkles and his eyebrows knit in concern; his usual expression.  
  
"Nothing. You weren't here when I woke up." I hesitate, hearing the needy words escape my lips, knowing the next words released will be the ones he's heard all too often lately. "I miss you, Leo." He starts to speak in protest but I cut him off. "I know, I know. Your job it your first priority, but you have been gone a lot more that usual, you can't deny that."  
  
"I know, honey... I just thought you'd still be upset with me over the thing I brought up last night." I can't even look at him as the anger from the night before begins to build again. "You haven't been taking care of yourself lately. I don't know what to say anymore. Whenever I bring it up you just brush it off as me being a jerk instead of me trying to protect you."  
  
"Protect me from what?! Myself? I am an adult, Leo! I am responsible enough not to have someone looking out for me day in and day out." I look away again, avoiding his gaze and cross my arms somewhat childlike.  
  
"Piper," he begins, touching my arm.  
  
"Don't touch me..." I say each word slowly as I try to keep control, my teeth clenched. I look back at him. "I can barely even look at you right now. What gives you the right to touch me?" He retracts his hand, a hurt and disappointed look on his face, and orbs away. So, I'm left here, alone again, to think. Thinking seems to be an awful thing right now. It only makes me feel guilty or more upset and sometimes... Sometimes I break down and I feel so hollow and naked inside.  
  
I feel so stupid when I think. My mind trails off and I find myself thinking about something like how blood clots or how dogs smell. Then I backtrack and strive to recall each thing I thought about before it and how they connect. I can sit for hours going forward and backward in thought and somehow, most of the time by someone starting to talk to me, I am pulled back to reality. One time I decided to write my whole train of thought down so I could backtrack more easily. Never have I had a more moronic idea in my life. I ended up filling a whole spiral notebook in one sitting. The abbreviated version of the whole of the notebook is: dogs, hair, pigmentation, skin, flesh wounds, infections, bacteria, the beginning of life on earth, dinosaurs and the list goes on. Yes, that is the condensed version. I don't know if other people go through these thought processes but I'll tell you this much, it can get really irritating; especially when you can't recall what thought led to the next.  
  
My feet fall heavily on the steps as I reluctantly make my way downstairs to the kitchen to acknowledge my sisters. When I enter the kitchen they stop their conversation to look at me as if judging my ability to speak or respond if they were to strike up a new conversation, me included. "Hey, good morning, Sleepy-Head." Paige comes over and I receive a short embrace. I perch myself on a stool across from Phoebe and run my fingers through my tangled hair, unsuccessfully trying to reduce the mass from birds nest to small shrub.  
  
"We didn't want to wake you. You seemed to need the extra rest. You've been a little hard on yourself lately." Of course Phoebe has to be another critic.  
  
I mumble inwardly, "Just trying to improve myself, but what would you guys care?"  
  
"Hmmm? What did you say?" Phoebe has her you'll-tell-me-what's-wrong-even- if-I-have-to-beat-it-out-of-you face on, but it won't work this time. She sets her coffee down and slides off the stool and comes over to stroke my hair.  
  
"Nothing, nothing." I get up so she misses my head and I catch her wrist in my hand. "I'm fine. I just miss Leo. Oh, and yes we did have another dispute. Don't think I didn't notice the 'poor Piper' look exchanged between you two." I gesture towards Paige with her hand and then release her wrist, having made my point. They both just sit there stupidly, not knowing what to say. I both love and hate when this happens. For one thing, they shut up, but they are also thinking about me and of course, exchanging more looks.  
  
Coffee. Coffee would be a good thing. I zoom in on the coffee maker and start towards it, but apparently my sisters think that I am also unable to make my own coffee. "I have one made for you already, Piper. Piper?" I turn around after taking a deep breath to control my annoyance.  
  
"Why thank you," I say, trying to keep the sarcasm out of my voice but to no avail. Phoebe picks it up right away and pounces.  
  
"Piper, what is your problem? We try to find out what's wrong but all you give us are wise cracks and vague answers. Why do you keep pushing us away? First Leo and now us!" I just stare at her, my anger building ever higher, my fists clenched so hard that my nails are digging into my palms leaving red, crescent indentations. She notices this and backs off a bit, sympathy rising in her voice again. "Piper, I didn't mean it... You aren't pushing him away... I don't know what I was saying." She approaches me again but I don't 'push her away' this time. I welcome her hand on the back of my head as she pulls me into a hug. Paige joins and I sink into them.  
  
"I could never push you guys away; no matter how hard I try," I half whisper, resting my chin between their shoulders. They both give breathy, short laughs as I hold them closer. I hadn't had a real hug in a while. How our little argument could turn into a hug situation, I don't know. Maybe our words have a higher meaning, I may never learn. I'm just content to be in their warm embrace. I close my eyes and sigh, that soft satisfying feeling filling the previously empty void that is my body.  
  
These moments are what hold us together. If ever a small argument arises, it almost always ends in a hug and sometimes, thankful tears. Hugs can be like condensed love and emotion, transferred from one person to another in one simple motion or maybe even topped off with a gentle kiss on the head. Hugs can also be a simple greeting or a sorrowful goodbye. Such an effortless action can have so many meanings that can never be fully unlocked or known. I'll save that for another day. For now I am content in my sisters' arms.  
  
A/N: Even thought I hate getting bad reviews, I do appreciate getting them so don't hold back! More to come soon!!  
  
A/N: Don't you hate it when you select the wrong thing to delete? I do. I had two reviews on this story and I went and accidentally deleted it cause it started with a 'c' like the thing I was gonna delete. Rrrrggggg... Just needed to do some complaining. I'm done now. 


	3. Leo the WrinkledInConcern Forehead

Disclaimer: I have come to realize that my idea for this story isn't totally original. After reading a story by Panpipes I was inspired more to write my own. So, without further ado, I give credit to Panpipes for the Crazy Piper idea. Oh, and I highly recommend you read Psychosis and Psychosis: Revelations by Panpipes. (They are both apart of my recommended stories in my profile.)  
  
A/N: Yes, Piper slightly insane in this story. Her saneness does fade as the story goes on. In other words, the great lengths she goes to for beauty has insane like characteristics.  
  
Boredom frightens me sometimes. Like now, I am again lost in my train of thought all because of the lack of something better to do. When I'm bored for too long, I get into the whole 'what if' thing. I hate when I think about the 'what if's. What if I were suddenly abducted, hands tied behind back, gagged and being dragged to the trunk of a shiny sports car? What would I do in that kind of situation? How long would it be until people realized I was gone? Would they cry for the loss? Yes, they would. And so do I thinking about this. Stupid me. That would never happen. But what if... What if it did and I was murdered after being raped, of course, and then thrown in a ditch to rot? Stop it... Stop it! Don't even go there, Piper!  
  
Hmmm. I should find something to do. I should be at the club right now but I don't feel like it. I should probably call in. "Hello. It's me, Piper. Just calling to let you know I'm not coming in today. Yeah, not feeling well. Yup... Ok. Alright, bye." Click. That was easier than I thought.  
  
Going to the kitchen from the living room, I drag my feet on the elaborate yet plain rug. The rug feels soft on my feet but I know it's really rough to the touch. My calluses act like a protective barrier, clouding my foot's senses into believing the carpet is soft and sweeter than it really is. Memories flood back. Grams was the callus to my being, my life. Protecting me from things I should have known. Clouding my thoughts and leading me to believe life would be easier in the future than it really would be. I can never forgive her for binding my powers for so long. There are still things in my heritage that I do not understand or even know; potions I have yet to concoct, spells I have yet to recite. All of these things could have been taught to me. I could now be an enlightened individual if Grams had taught me all that I know now then. I could be a better person, a better witch. There I go again; off in my train of thought. Just staring at the carpet. How did I get from carpet to witchcraft? No, don't bother backtracking... It's not worth it.  
  
I continue to shuffle along, slowly making my way to the kitchen. I pause at the edge of the carpet, cursing the cool floorboards that await my unknowing feet. I look to the stairs thinking about going to my room to get socks for the journey but reject the idea, realizing that the stairs, too, are hardwood. Sighing I proceed to the kitchen, pausing again, feet together on the hardwood, waiting for the warmth of my feet to transfer to the wood making the temperature between the two equal.  
  
The soles of me feet slap on the linoleum as I make my way to the fridge thinking only one thing. Orange Juice. Even though it's nearly one in the afternoon, I have a weird craving for orange juice. After pulling the fridge open, I let my hand drop down to my side from the handle. I stare at the carton sitting quietly on the shelf. Should I really be drinking anything but water on my new diet? Oh, and coffee, too. I ponder my situation for nearly two minutes and decide against the tart juice, although I can almost feel my taste buds contracting at the back of my mouth as if I had taken my first sip. I step back from the fridge to make room for the swinging door.  
  
My feet stick to the floor momentarily with each step I make towards the stool Phoebe had been perched on hours before and I climb up and pull my knees to my chin, balancing on the wooden surface. My stomach grumbles in protest but I ignore it, cursing it for wanting more food. I had had a whole two cups of coffee today alone! Isn't that enough? I mean, my stomach can't be that big.  
  
3:00 p.m. Wow. Time goes by surprisingly fast when you're doing nothing. All I have done all day is drink coffee and water and watered down coffee. I did eat a half a turkey sandwich around one thirty and now I continue to ignore the feeling of my stomach eating itself. Maybe I should go for a walk? Yeah, that sounds like a good, healthy idea. I jog upstairs to get dressed. I open my closet and weed through the various shirts. I find a nice T and head to Paige's room for my sweatpants that she had borrowed a week ago, finding them nicely folded on her bed. I guess she was expecting me to retrieve them sometime today. After slipping into them I return to my room and rummage through my underwear drawer for my favorite socks. I try to balance on one foot while I put a sock on the other but fail as my foot slams back down to catch my unsteady weight and I almost fall forward. I never could get the hang of that. Maybe putting your socks on in that manner is not humanly possible.  
  
I sit up straight and smile at my neatly tied tennis shoes. Standing, I grab my windbreaker from the couch and slip it on, one arm at a time. I walk to the door and grab the handle but pause as I feel I've forgotten something. I brush it off as 'stupid me' and pull the door open, taking a deep breath of the beautiful fresh air the floods my senses. I jog down the sidewalk and steps to the street, my arms bent at the elbow and swinging with every hop-step. I jog in place as I try and decide with route to take. Turning left, I jog down the sidewalk still breathing deeply and smiling in my good mood.  
  
(forty-five minutes later) My pace has slowed to an agonizingly slow walk. I am again lost in thought, angry thought, thinking about how I will never succeed in anything I try. For instance, I tried to jog for five minutes straight. Failed. I tried not to eat today. Failed; I had to go and eat a whole half of a sandwich. I'm never going to be beautiful. Leo is never going to come back to me. He's always going to be just a heard of orbs and a wrinkled forehead. I smile at this thought. Leo the Wrinkled-In-Concern Forehead. "It has a ring to it." All he is is a concerned look. You can't say anything to him without his reaction being a soft word and a knit in his brow. God, his forehead is sexy. I wish I could caress his cheek and kiss his creased forehead right now...  
  
I jiggle the handle. No... It can't be. I didn't lock the door. Crap... No! I forgot my keys. I knew I forgot something. Damn it! I reluctantly check my watch to find I've only been out an hour; it's 4:12. Ok, ok. It's going to be ok. I just have to wait out here an hour and a half 'till someone gets home. An hour and a half! Oh god, this is great!  
  
Boredom. My train of thought starts chugging along. I can almost picture coal-black smoke coming out of my ears. Here come the 'what if's again... What if no one comes home tonight? What if they go straight to the club? I'll probably end up calling for Leo and he probably won't come because of this morning... I still miss him. I haven't kissed him for days now. I miss his soft lips, his gentle touch and healing hand, his whispered words... comforting words.  
  
"Oh, Leo! I'm sorry! You can touch me! You have the right to touch me no matter how mad I am at you. You're probably right, Leo. I haven't been taking good care of myself." I sit down on the cool cement stoop. "But, Leo, I don't need you to take care of me like I'm a child. I want you to care for me. Leo, I know you probably think I'm upset with you, which is partially true, but I need you here with me. You shouldn't just abandon me like that. You're always abandoning me. You always orb away in the middle of our fights." I battle the tears burning my eyes but cannot hold them back any longer. I find them cascading down my cheeks and wishing that Leo were here to catch them on his fingertip and wipe them away. "Leo... Leo..." I can't find the words to express the feeling of total failure that rests in a lump at the bottom of my stomach. Leo will never take me back if I don't change. I need to change, for him.  
  
My head still rests in my hands, my elbows on my knees. There is a small puddle on the pavement and my face is dry and sticky. I hear a vrooming sound as tires crackle on loose pebbles. Paige! My head shoots up and I stand and rub my goose-bumped arms, grab my jacket off the grass, thrown to the side in my frustration, and make my way down the steps to meet my wonderful sister.  
  
"Piper? Piper, what are you doing? How long have you been sitting there?"  
  
I smile and hug her, emphasizing my relief with a slight groan. "Locked out and," I check my watch, "about an hour and fifteen minutes."  
  
"Well, let's get you inside." She guides me in with a gentle hand on my back and bustles around to quickly hang her coat and set her purse on a chair. She continues to guide me into the living room and grabs the blanket off the back of the couch, making me sit and covering me up.  
  
"Paige, I'm fine, just a little cold. It's not like I got pneumonia or something." My words protest but my body doesn't as I sink into the soft sofa.  
  
"Nonsense. You can never be too careful. It was pretty cool out today. It's only early spring, you know."  
  
"You sound like you're my mother." I laugh shortly as sleep starts to take over. Thinking and yelling at the top of your lungs at someone who isn't there and then crying can take a lot out of you. As my eyelids close and those pretty colors on the back of my eyes lids dance before my eyes. I hear Paige walk over. She takes a breath like she's going to say something but stops herself. I feel her warm hand on my cheek and then a soft kiss on my head. She gently pulls the quilt up a little higher and whispers a good night. I ponder this, my eyebrows knitting together temporarily, remembering it's only six or so, but all is forgotten as I drift off into warmth, dreaming of Leo the Wrinkled-In-Concern Forehead.  
  
A/N: I know I said Paige was unemployed in the last chapter and now she seems to be employed but I can't fix it in that chapter without reposting my whole story and this chapter will be screwed up if I make her job-less again so here: Paige volunteers for their Gypsy friend (remember her?) at the hospital for Gypsies with no help insurance. There. I feel better now.  
  
A/N: Like I told my friend, Crazy Piper is fun to author. I know she's not really crazy yet but she will be... In time. 


	4. Slippers

**A/N: Just to clear this up, in my story, Cole is already out of Phoebe's life; I can't deal with the whole 'is he good or is he bad' thing so I'm just not gonna bother. Plus, Leo and Piper do not yet have a child and Piper is not pregnant. Got it? Good!  
  
**A/N: Off we go! Oh, and I realize I have no demons in my story. Should I bother? Let me know.  
  
I start another day in my boring life to the hushed voices of my sisters walking down the hallway outside my bedroom. I sit up and go to slip my feet into my slippers as always but find only the deceivingly soft carpet. Stupid Grams.  
  
I get up off the bed and crouch down to find my slippers. Crawling on all fours, I locate them on the other side of the bed. What was Leo doing with my slippers? As I approach them they wiggle slightly. I pass it off as just my imagination but as I get closer, they wiggle again! It's just the toes of the slippers but still... I don't trust them. I don't trust my own slippers. "Paige! Phoebe! Could you guys come up here for a sec?" I yell making sure not to take my eyes off the possessed footwear.  
  
Thump, thump, thump, thud! I hear them barrel up the stairs and trip over each other. "What? What's the matter? Piper?" I poke my head up from the other side of the bed to see Paige rubbing the front of her lower leg.  
  
"Oh, nothing. It's just that my slippers are wiggling." I look at them and they don't seem the slightest bit surprised. It this some kind of joke? "Hello? Did you guys hear me?" They just stand there staring blankly as if in a trance as I start to get a little pissed off. I stand up and stomp over to where they are standing and shake them in turn but get no reaction. "Oh, now this is great! Are you guys going to start to wiggle too?" As if on command they both start to convulse right in front of me! It starts slowly at first but as it increases they both fall to the floor. I all of a sudden feel removed from my body and see myself start to convulse, too. "Oh, even better! Leo? Leo!" My voice sounds far off.  
  
My eyes shoot open and I'm in bed with Leo's face hovering over mine. "Are you okay, Honey? You were calling me in your sleep and I woke up to you tossing and turning."  
  
"Yeah. I'm fine. I just had the weirdest dream..." I realize that he is actually with me and I melt, seeing his forehead wrinkles decrease as he finds I'm okay. "Hey Stranger. I missed you yesterday." I prop myself up with my elbows, and he remains over me, his hands on either side of my torso. I extend my neck and close my eyes as I reach out to kiss him for the first time in a week. I shift my weight to one elbow and swing my arm up to caress the back of his head as he relaxes backwards and brings his hands up to my cheeks and guides his fingers through my tangled hair. When he hits the bed I stop kissing to smile and then continue, enjoying his gentle touch as he massages my back.  
  
"Piper, are you... Nevermind, you seem fine to me." I stop again to turn and look at my sisters rudely intruding on our romantic moment.  
  
"Yes, I am perfectly fine. Why did you guys come up?" I ask as innocently as I can, hiding my annoyance.  
  
"Well, we heard you yelling Leo's name so we figured you had a reason to, and I guess you did..."  
  
"Oh, stop it. I had a weird dream and I called him in my sleep and I haven't seen him in a while so... Shoo!!!!" I motion them towards the door, getting up to guide/drive them out.  
  
Leo stands up and stops me, buttoning his shirt. "Honey, I have to go anyways. It's nice to see you again, too. We should see each other more often." He smiles slyly.  
  
"Oooo..." I quickly discipline Phoebe at her freshness in my usual shower of tiny slaps on her upper arm. I turn to Leo and give him one last kiss and he orbs away, leaving me with my hands close to my face and my neck outstretched.  
  
"Ok, Peepers. Let's go downstairs. I need some coffee." I herd my two reluctant sisters out of my room and follow them downstairs. Why do they always have to come into the room at the worst time?  
  
*  
  
Downstairs I prepare three mugs of coffee while my sisters sit on two of the five stools surrounding the island in our kitchen. They sit with their elbows on the counter and their bodies set eagerly forward. I give them a sarcastic dirty look. "What? You're not getting any details about my sex life." Phoebe makes a disgusted face, as does Paige.  
  
"No thank you. We have our own to toil with. We wanted to know about the dream you had that set you calling for Leo."  
  
"Oh, that? It's pretty weird.. I don't think it means anything except that I have a really strange imagination." I'm reluctant to tell them... I don't want them to know how messed up my head is.  
  
"Come on. We won't laugh," Paige reassures me. So I tell them.  
  
*  
  
Paige leans back when I finish and comments, "Wow, that is weird. So we looked like drones or something? And then started to have seizures?" I nod somewhat solemnly. I don't know why I'd bothered to tell them. Then Phoebe chimes in.  
  
"So what do you think it means?" I shrug.  
  
"I don't think it means anything except that I have a very wide imagination. Stop trying to be a Psychiatrist." I turned my back, regretting the last part.  
  
"Why are you being so snippy lately, Piper?" Paige defends Phoebe, probably just trying to get in on the action. I shrug again in reply.  
  
"I don't see why she has to dissect everything all the time. It was just a stupid dream; it doesn't necessarily have to have some underlying meaning. Get over it!" Slamming down my mug I leave the room, my head in my hands, kicking myself for being over dramatic again.  
  
I need to talk to someone. "Leo?" No answer. "Leo!" I wait longer this time. No answer. No familiar cluster of orbs that release his form into the room. Ok, I guess I won't be talking to anyone. He probably heard me but is ignoring it because he can sense I'm not hurt, at least not physically. Hmmm. I can change that.  
  
Opening my top drawer I withdraw a dagger, my protection from Cole. I never quite trusted him, and after he finally left, I had already forgotten about my defense, until now. I examine it closely, looking for any blemishes or chips. I find only a curved, smooth edge. I feel resistance when I rub my finger against it, not along the edge... The other way. I grasp the handle firmly and slowly bring it to my wrist. The steel is cool and I pull back when it touches my tender skin. Should I really do this? Do I really need to talk to Leo that badly? I hold the dagger, suspended over my expectant wrist. I let my weapon go and watch it fall as if in slow motion and I leave my vulnerable hand at rest and hope the dagger lands in the right place, but what is the right place? I'm not sure if I wanted it to land on my wrist or not, but it doesn't. "Your lucky this time, Leo." I don't know why he's lucky... is he? Is he lucky the dagger missed or am I?  
  
I sit on my bed and shuffle my feet on the floor searching for my slippers. Not finding them with my feet I continue to search for them with my eyes. I just sit there helplessly on my bed, looking all around for my long lost slippers. I sigh and continue my hunt for my long lost slippers on hands and knees. I crawl around to the other side of the bed to find my slippers sitting regally next to each other, awaiting feet to warm. I approach them in all fours finding this situation strangely familiar. Then it happens. The toes of the slippers wiggle as if they already have feet inside them. I stop and watch knowing that they will wiggle again like last time in my dream. Of course, they do and, of course, I call my sisters. They rush up the stairs and I listen for the thud of Paige injuring her leg. There, there it was.  
  
They enter the room, Paige rubbing her leg, "Piper? What's the matter?"  
  
"Oh, nothing. It's just that my slippers are wiggling!" They just stare at me, seeming to be not the least bit surprised, again, and I know why this time. I quickly pull myself to standing and lunch myself over the bed and to knock my sisters over to get them down and ready to go into convulsions. Phoebe jumps out of my way as Paige orbs and I am in a state of total shock as the rug comes closer and closer...  
  
A/N: I appreciate the reviews that I have received although they may be few. I'm okay with that because the reviews that I did get are all encouraging. I was going to wait for more reviews but I decided against it because I'm just wallowing in self-pity. Snap out of it, HZPT! (my nickname initial thingys if any of you were wondering) I'm not gonna let something as stupid as not as many reviews as I would like get me all sad and depressy! Right? Right! Ok, I'm gonna leave you guys alone now so you can contemplate my strange language topped off with lots of red squigglies in Microsoft Word... heehee! (oo there's another!) 


	5. Coffee Grounds, Love Handles, and Stupid...

A/N: Sorry for the cliffhanger. I like them as an author person thingy. It keeps you People waiting for more! Muhahahaaaa!!!  
  
I just lie there, looking out my bedroom door, pondering what went wrong; or should I say, right. I groan as my sisters each grab one of my arms and pull me up to standing. "What the hell was that, Piper?" Paige asks perturbed, just as Leo orbs into my doorway, his forehead wrinkled-in- concern. Great, another person to ridicule me.  
  
All I can manage to moan is, "Slippers," as I clutch my stomach, gasping to breathe normally. The people around me exchange looks as I take a seat on the floor again. "On the other side of the bed; wiggling."  
  
"Slippers? Wiggling? Piper, what are you talking about?" Phoebe comes down to my level, a confused and amused smirk playing her face. Before I answer, she grabs a pale hand and drags Paige down with her.  
  
I give Phoebe a dirty look because of her mocking tone and smile and remind her of something. "Remember my dream? The wiggling slippers and then The Charmed Ones going all spastic in a heap on the floor? Well, the slippers wiggled and Paige banged her leg, like my Dream Paige, and then you guys didn't react when I told you about my slippers, so I feared the worst and dove to get you guys down so you didn't fall harder, maybe whacking your head on the corner of my dresser, while going into seizures!" I catch my breath after my run-on explanation, as my family comprehends my screwed up words.  
  
After a while, Phoebe decides to make me look even more idiotic. "Well, didn't you realize that I'm the only one to get premonitions around here?"  
  
"Didn't you realize that we don't live in the kind of household where everything is always unchanged? Things do get jumbled up quite a bit around here, ya know!" I fire back, standing clumsily and exiting the room, again craving coffee and looking to get away from their 'words of wisdom'. I'm not really mad at them. I'm just annoyed. I hear Leo defend me in his usual informative manner and call out to me at I hop-step down the stairs to the coffee maker. Rounding the corner to the kitchen, I hear Phoebe and Paige barrel down the stairs after him.  
  
Once in the kitchen, I search the cupboards for the coffee grounds. By the time I find them, on the highest shelf, my family is uncomfortably standing around the island. "Oh, honey, let me get that for you..." Leo offers, coming to rescue me unnecessarily again.  
  
"Nah, I got it," I respond, waving him off and pulling a drawer open. I grab a handy spatula and ease the coffee can containing the pre-ground beans off the shelf. I catch the can and turn to my audience, victorious. "How else do you think I survive without you, Leo?" I smile, trying to lighten the mood.  
  
I turn to the counter, my back to them, and try to open the retrieved coffee can to continue making the coffee. The stupid coffee can won't open so I struggle with it as Leo comes over to help me again. I swing away from him harder than intended and the top of the can flies open and I'm showered with coffee grounds. I growl/scream in exasperation as I stomp off again, tracking coffee grounds everywhere. My sisters remain in the kitchen stupidly, probably laughing at me, and Leo probably took this opportunity to orb out again.  
  
Once in the bathroom, I step into the bathtub fully dressed and brush the coffee grounds off my clothing with quick, impatient strokes. I lean over and run my fingers into my hair near the scalp and shake the grounds out, flipping my hair back when I finish. Stepping out of the tub, I go to unbutton my pants but decide to just shower later. So what if I smell like coffee? Instead, I stand in front of the mirror on the back of the door and turn sideways, sucking in my stomach. I decide to strip to my underwear to get a better look at my three-day progress.  
  
In my reflection, I see that I have made little improvement. There's no changes in my body mass or physical appearance. I lift my arms above my head and suck in my stomach. That's what I want to look like; my stomach going in instead of out and my belly button stretching to the max. I think it looks beautiful and I know Leo will feel the same. I put my hands on my hips and relax my shoulders. My thumbs push the flesh inward. Flab. Love handles. I have a lot of work to do. I drop my hands and turn to put my clothes back on.  
  
"Piper... Oh! I'm sorry, honey!" Leo walked in on me. He was going to leave but stops with an amused look on his face, looking at me standing there in my underwear after being in the bathroom for well over twenty minutes. I pull my shirt up and cover myself. His amused look increases and he lets himself in and closes the door behind him. "Piper, what are you doing? It's me, Leo. You don't need to cover yourself for your husband." I stubbornly keep the shirt up, clutching it to my chest. If he saw me, I know he would feel differently.  
  
"Leo, I was going to shower," I lie, "You just surprised me, that's all." I grab a towel and replace the shirt with it. I turn around and drape the towel over my head as I remove my bra and undies. I can hear him giggling behind me. I turn back around, the towel wrapped around me and confront him. "What's up with you Leo? I'm not in the mood to entertain you right now. Just let me shower, okay? You can use the upstairs bathroom." He stands there looking slightly insulted, but I don't care. He shouldn't be so rude. I'm not going to prance around in my underwear for him! I turn around to start the water, letting it gurgle into the tub.  
  
"I didn't want a show, Piper." His tone is serious, so I purposely don't look back when he speaks. "I don't know why you're embarrassed. It's just me, you know." I turn my head to avoid his prying eyes as he comes to my side, resting his hand on my naked shoulder. My skin crawls... Not because he's touching me but because he's touching my ugly, naked body. My skin crawls for him. I look into those blue eyes and try to keep mine from begging him to leave, giving away my discomfort. I try to look annoyed and smile slightly. He buys the act and sighs, exiting the bathroom and closing the door softly behind him.  
  
I guess I should shower anyways since I'm already here and naked. I neatly fold the towel and put down the toilet seat, placing the towel on top of the furry cover. I step into the bathtub and close the curtain. The water cascades down my back and over by shoulders and down my front to my feet. On impact with my skin, the stream of water bounces off into tiny droplets, spraying the curtain and walls. My whole body relaxes at the warmth and I let my head drop back into the falling water.  
  
"Piper? It's Paige. Lunch's ready. I, ummm... 'made' Chinese." I don't know how long I was standing there, but I jump at the sound of her voice and realize I'm shivering from head to foot.  
  
"Ok, Paige. Be out in a sec," I answer, my teeth chattering. I hear the door close and quickly turn off the water, reaching my hand out from behind the shower curtain to grab my towel.  
  
Upstairs, after throwing my still possessed slippers in my closet and securely closing the door, I weed through my dresser for a suitable outfit and decide on pajamas, not wanting to dirty two outfits in one day. Sitting down on my bed, I think of an excuse not to eat today. I'd been in the shower for a very long time so 'I've already eaten' won't work. Sitting on my bed, I finger the soft fabric of my pajama pants. Oh! I can just go to sleep! That'll work! They wouldn't wake me up! Just then I hear footsteps coming down the hall. I kick the covers down but don't have enough time to pull them up again. "Piper?" It's Phoebe. "Piper, kinda early..." Her voice trails off and I hear her sigh. Her hand rests on my shoulder temporarily and the covers are pulled up. Phoebe kisses my head gently and whispers, "Good night," and she leaves my room, closing the door softly behind her.  
  
Bored. I've been laying here for about twenty minutes. Thinking. I want to go swimming. It's spring so they should let me. By they I mean Leo, Paige, and Phoebe. I know they wouldn't let me swim otherwise unless I went to the Y or something. I don't like those pools. There's too much body fluid mixed in with the water- sweat, pee, and many others. And, to top it off, it's piss warm. Ewwie. Not refreshing at all. 'I don't swim in your toilet, don't pee in my pool!' Why would you even say that? You would feel worse than the owners of the toilet if you were swimming in it. In the ocean, it doesn't really matter if you pee or not because it's always mixing. Plus, there is pee in there anyways from animals and sewers and... That's not much better... I still prefer the Ocean to a public pool.  
  
Hmmmm... Strawberries are stupid. Why do the seeds grow on the outside instead of the inside? Does the fruit want the seeds to be destroyed before they have the chance to grow into new plants? That would be like a woman growing a baby outside her body. That would be weird... Kind of gross, too; a fetus, not yet fully formed, just attached to the woman's abdomen. I shiver at the thought. At least birth would be less difficult. You just catch the baby when it's ready to fall off. That's a funny picture!  
  
That's my last though as sleep overtakes my mind and body at last.  
  
A/N: I know. Weird and lame ending. Very abrupt. Oh well. You'll like the next chapter, I think. 


	6. Girls' Night

A/N: Thanks for the review although they may be few! (that rhymes... cool)  
  
A/N: I have an original story started on fictionpress.net under the penname Zealishness in case any of you are interested!  
  
A/N: Let's see how this chapter comes out...  
  
I feel like crap. Over the past couple of days I've been quite hard on myself. No, not hard. I sound like Leo and my sisters. I've just been following my plans for perfection more vigorously. Yes, I've been working harder to improve myself; my stomach is flatter than it's ever been and that means by boobs are looking a bit bigger. Leo hasn't noticed though. That's because I've been wearing big sweatshirts so he won't be able to see the difference in my body. I want to surprise him.  
  
I haven't done any karaoke at the club. I don't think I will yet. I'll wait until the transformation is complete. For now, I will humbly manage the club and mix my potions and cook those 'wonderous' dinners for my family. Of course I'll be jogging and doing crunches and push-ups and sit-ups the whole time.  
  
*  
  
It has gotten easier and easier to ignore my hunger pangs in the last week. True, I do have dizzy spells every so often, but I make sure to mention my 'cold' when people are around. Everyone at work keeps telling me that I should go home and rest, but I easily fool them into thinking that I am a very hard worker who can't take even one more day off. They have no idea how beautiful I'm going to look in a month or two. Oh! And they think the baggy clothes are so I can be more comfortable at work. Ha! Am I good or what?  
  
No one is home yet. It's around 5:30. I probably have about half an hour before anyone'll be back from work. I think I'll have some watered-down coffee while I wait. Watered-down coffee is my staple food right now. It's all I consume everyday, but nobody has to know that, of course. They think I nibble throughout the day so I never really have enough of an appetite when it comes time for a real meal. Pretty good, huh? I have everything planned out; all of the possible situations of them trying to get me to have a snack or eat a meal with them has a certain strategy. I have used the snacking excuse, the lots-of-work-to-do excuse, the trying-to-cut-back excuse, and the I-have-to-meet-someone-at-the-club excuse.  
  
"Piper, honey? You here?" Phoebe's home!  
  
"Yeah, just having a coffee." She enters the kitchen and makes a cup for herself. "You seem pretty drained, sweetie," I comment as she heavily seats herself across from me.  
  
"You don't look too rested yourself." What? What is she talking about? I feel fine... ish.  
  
"I feel fine."  
  
"Then you should buy some more under-eye makeup because those dark circles beg to differ." Oh, yeah... right. Forgot about those.  
  
"Yeah, I've been staying up a little later than usual." I try to cover them with my hands. Phoebe and Paige would, of course, be the ones to notice any dark circles or wrinkles. Phoebe makes a confused face, just for a second, before changing the subject.  
  
"Soooo, I was thinking, we should have a Girls' Night soon. Just you, Paige, and me. Sound good?"  
  
Shit. What am I supposed to say? "Ummm... yeah, sure. What exactly will we be doing?"  
  
"Well," Phoebe leans forward excitedly on her stool. "I was thinking that you could make a fabulous dinner and I could furnish you guys with some highlights and Paige wanted to give us something; I don't know what."  
  
She waits expectantly for my gracious answer. All I can come up with is, "So you and Paige made plans without me?" The words come out very quietly and my skin crawls at the accusing look on her face. I quickly add more, "...because I'm not really in a cooking mood. You know, too much on my mind." Smooth Piper.  
  
I can see Phoebe's brain working as she thinks up a new plan. I dread what she might say next. "Well, then, we can just get take-out." Bam. No way out now.  
  
"Ok, I'll be upstairs." I rush towards the safety of my room, practically falling up the stairs in the process. I need time to formulate a plan...  
  
*  
  
After much deliberating, I have decided to fall asleep again. This time I won't change into my pajamas because that would be far too suspicious. I'll make it seem like I just collapsed on my bed and fell asleep. Back or stomach? I think that stomach would be more believable. I put my acting skills to the test and kneel on the edge of my bed, letting my body fall across it, my arms comfortably near my head but lazily unsymmetrical with each other. One of my legs protrudes awkwardly off the bed and the other is pulled up closer to my body. Perfect. Now I wait. I might even really fall asleep. That would be brilliant. Then I won't have to fake-sleep. That can get difficult because you don't really know how you act when you sleep; only the people who have witnessed you sleep time and time again will be able to tell you that.  
  
*  
  
"Piper? Piper..." My eyes flutter open and it takes me a while to remember what I'm doing. Shit. It's Paige. Guess I will have to fake-sleep after all. I quickly shut my eyes and make sure my breathing is slow. "Piper, wake up. It's Girls' Night." Why is she trying to wake me up? Do they have any respect? Keep faking it, Piper. Oh God, now she's starting to shake me. Stupid Paige. "C'mon Piper, I know you don't sleep that heavily no matter what! Piper!"  
  
"Go away," I moan as best I can. She kneels on my bed and uses all her energy to roll me onto my back. She laughs and I try to laugh along like it was a big joke I just played on her. "I really was asleep you know; that is, before you came in and jerked me out of dreamland."  
  
"Well, Phoebe and I figured you wouldn't want to miss our special night. We haven't spent any time together, just the three of us, in a couple of months." I sit up and try again to get her to see how 'exhausted' I am; I rub my eyes and run my fingers through my hair while groaning and let myself fall back on the bed again. Paige is still clueless. She pulls me up by the arms. "C'mon Piper! We gotta order our food." She puts on an info- mercial voice and continues, "You can choose from Chinese, Japanese, Italian, American Steakhouse, and many other fine restaurant styles!" She switches to 'fine print' mode: "Credit cards accepted, batteries not included." I can't help but giggle at her comical impressions.  
  
Paige leads me downstairs to a pajama clad Phoebe, lounging on the couch watching 'Kill It Before It Dies' or something like that. It's her favorite movie, all in black and white. "Phoebe, you put your pajamas on already! Evil... I'll be back in a bit." Paige jogs up the stairs after exchanging a mock glare with Phoebe.  
  
I fall back onto the couch next to Phoebe, defeated. She mistakes my actions for fatigue. "Hey Piper, don't worry; you'll be wide awake after Paige and I are done with you." She smiles heartily and nudges my leg directing me to go upstairs and put on my comfiest pajamas. I comply none too eagerly and slowly head up the stairs. Paige practically knocks me over as she barrels down the step and dives onto the couch and Phoebe. They both squeal with laughter and Phoebe pushes Paige's torso off her legs. Paige hits the floor with a dull thud and my sisters both explode with more giddy laughter. I don't know how much more of this I can take...  
  
*  
  
I pull some socks over my frigid toes; my slippers are still untrustworthy in my eyes. Plus, I don't want my sisters to get any ideas; I prefer my toenails polish free, thanks. I contemplated putting socks on my hands as a barrier too but decided against it; sock-ed hands were not in style the last time I checked.  
  
"PIPER!" My sisters' singsong voices are carried up the stairs mixed with waves of Madonna's crooning. They put the cliché 'high on life' into a whole new perspective. They sound drunk down there, fumbling around, probably dancing and tripping over and with each other.  
  
"Gimme a minute..." I mumble to myself. I don't know what to do. My head is swimming with ideas and solutions to my dilemma. All of them are stupid although some of them are greatly considered...  
  
I hold the cool blade in my shaky hands. If I do go down there, I will probably end up eating something and if I eat something, I'll get fat. I don't want to be fat.  
  
I envy their carefree eating habits. They don't have to worry about their bodies; they are perfect. They are beautiful. I, on the other hand, am not. I'm ugly and fat and a social outcast, as always.  
  
I never had friends. Actually, I did. My sisters. But can you really call your sisters your friends? I think it's quite sad that my sisters have always been and always will be my only companions.  
  
I don't have Leo. I know that everyone thinks otherwise. I don't have Leo because Leo didn't marry me. He didn't. Why would he? He can't love or have loved me. There is no reason for him to do so.  
  
*  
  
I hold the blade firmly although my whole body is shaking. I move it closer and closer to my wrist. My vulnerable hand involuntarily balls into a hard fist... Just do it, Piper. You're so stupid. No one will care. Nobody likes you. If you don't do this, you will never be pretty. Never. Do this and display your self-control. YOU control your life. You can make people love you. You can be beautiful.  
  
"Piper?" I drop the blade as my sisters enter the room.  
  
"Yeah? I said I'd be down in a minute." I swiftly kick it under the bed. They'll never know. I control what they know.  
  
A/N: Ugh. This chapter is icky. I read it over like four times. I still don't like it for some reason. It'll probably be changed here and there over time... 


	7. They've Succeeded

A/N: This chapter took me days to write. I had a hard time wording things for some reason... Ugh. Anyhoo, thanks for the reviews and I have lots more chapters to write and post for you guys! (I'm estimating five to eight...)  
  
I did it. I did. I ate. I couldn't help it; they made me eat. There was no way out...  
  
It was good, too. I had some beef fried rice and cong-pow chicken. They even got me to eat a little ice cream... I hate myself. Why did I let them talk me into it? I was having fun, can't deny that, but every bite I swallowed, slowly sunk to the bottom of my stomach like a lead weight.  
  
*  
  
"Good night," Paige and Phoebe mumbled drowsily in unison.  
  
"'Night," I answered back. It was fun while it lasted, but now I am consumed with guilt and failure after the Girls' Night I spent with my sisters. I have to get rid of this guilty feeling-I have to get rid of this fat in my stomach before it starts to build on my thighs.  
  
I know the solution and I know this solution is dangerous, but it must be done...  
  
*  
  
The water is still and clear although there is a light rim gunk forming just under the water level. I stare down upon the 'throne' meekly. I don't want to make myself vomit. I hate puking; I almost cried the last time I did. The heaving that rattles your whole body is the worst...  
  
I kneel down and slowly peer over the edge of the toilet. I stare down into the gullet of the bowl, still glistening from when I cleaned it days ago on another one of my 'Calorie Burning Cleaning Sprees'.  
  
Don't think about it, Piper. Just do it. You ate and now you have it make it better. Ok, I'll do it, right now--quick and easy. Before I have the time to ponder further, I bring my hand to my mouth and ram my finger down my throat in one swift motion. My shoulders roll painfully forward as I gag over the toilet. Nothing comes up. Don't give up now. You must do this, Piper. You have to make yourself beautiful. You can make yourself beautiful. I take a deep and shaky breath and lean over the throne again, repeating the rapid movement. This time bile fills my throat and mouth.  
  
*  
  
My body shakes with exertion. I have to do it again; not everything came up. After two rounds of shoving my finger down my throat, it's getting easier to induce vomiting. I bring my index finger to my mouth once again but cannot complete the harsh movement as vomit fills my mouth again. As I said, it's getting easier. I don't even have to stick my finger down my throat to get the reaction anymore. Just the thought of that feeling, the hurling, makes me do so. Just the idea of revisiting your Girls' Night feast makes your stomach turn.  
  
I stand up weeping and go to wash out the sour taste in my mouth only to fall down again. I reach my shaking hands up to the sink for support and pull myself up again. Spinning... the room is spinning as I reach out to grab something, anything to catch my falling weight. Pain floods my senses as I look up wincing. My hands automatically move to my head, the source of the pain. My vision blurs as two moving figures enter the bathroom... The coppery taste in my mouth is confusing... I think I blacked out about then.  
  
*  
  
(Our view of the bathroom off the master bedroom: The unconscious Piper lay sprawled on the linoleum floor with a small pool of blood forming around her head where she hit it on the toilet. A small stream of blood flowing from her mouth joins the collection pooling on the floor and her whole body is clammy and pale. Phoebe hovers over her sister's limp body with tears forming in her eyes. Paige stands in the doorway looking on in horror. Both sisters call to their whitelighter and brother-in-law Leo.  
  
Leo orbs in, engulfed with small orbs of white light, looking at first confused and then sharing the sisters' horrified expression. He rushes to heal Piper who continues to lie eerily still on the bathroom floor, shallow breaths of air seeping in and out of her broken form. A warm orange glow pours from his hands over Piper's childlike, helpless face.)  
  
*  
  
Oh, god. They are all here. Give them a reason, any reason. I go to open my mouth but am shushed right away. "Don't speak," I am rudely ordered by a soft voice. I think it's Leo... Can't be sure... I am lifted off the floor and set back down again on something soft; I assume, my bed. Hushed voices surrounded me; I had a hard time picking out the people behind the voices. I couldn't tell Phoebe from Paige and Paige from Phoebe; even Leo's concerned tones were hard to differentiate from my sisters'.  
  
My eyes remained closed; the dim but blinding light from my lamp and heaviness of my eyelids deterred me from attempting to survey my surroundings as a quiet conversation ensued.  
  
"How did this happen?" I can just picture Leo the Wrinkled-In-Concern Forehead.  
  
"I don't know; we came in to say good night again and found her on the floor."  
  
"Yeah, and when we were walking down the hall we heard what sounded like someone getting sick and..."  
  
"...and we picked up the pace a bit and came in to her on the floor with blood gathering around her head."  
  
"So you had no idea?" Pause. "Do you think it was food poisoning?" Good. They don't know.  
  
"No... we had the same things she did. It must be a stomach bug."  
  
"All I want to know is why she didn't call us or you, for that matter. It looks like she puked more than once in there." I can hear the cringe in Paige's voice; it must be Paige.  
  
Sleep finally overtakes my senses, dulling out the pain.  
  
*  
  
I inhale suddenly as my eyes shoot open. It takes me a while to become aware of my surroundings, but as I do, my family, with their super sonic hearing, enters the room and gathers around my bed, the women taking seats on either side of me. I find their sudden interest in me somewhat comical. "So, I am now the center of attention because of a little stomach bug?" No one shares my amusement.  
  
"Piper," Leo starts, taking a step forward, closing in on the foot of my- our-bed, "you were out for six hours. This is not the average 'stomach bug'." Phoebe joins Paige on my right as Leo kneels down to my level on the left. "You've got us worried." I touch the stern crease of age on his brow and follow the outline of his face to his cheek. The hard look on his face hides something that I can only see in his eyes. Fear.  
  
"Honey, I'll be fine. I just had a bit too much 'Girls' Night' for one girl. It's not like I went into a comma."  
  
Paige shifts next to me and notes quietly, "Well, you sure fooled us." What? They thought I went into a comma? They worry too much.  
  
"You worry too much. Hurling takes a lot out of you, not just your favorite Chinese gourmet. And..."  
  
"Piper, this is no time for joking. Six hours ago you didn't look like our sister. You looked so hollow and empty; just a shell of our Piper." Phoebe. She's always the one tossing metaphors around.  
  
"You guys, what counts is that I am fine now and will be fine later on, okay? All I need right now is to get some more rest and maybe have a cup of coffee or something. I know you guys are trying to be a caring and concerned family, but don't make something bigger than it is." Paige and Phoebe's faces fall while Leo prepares to deliver some more wise words.  
  
"Piper, we don't know if you'll be 'fine' later. That's the point. We don't want you to loose consciousness again." He looks at me with pleading eyes. I ask him what he wants from me with my own. "Paige, Phoebe, and I are going to keep an eye on you for a couple weeks, just to be safe. We don't know what you've done to yourself this time, but we really hope we can help you before the effects are irreversible."  
  
Oh God... Have they found me out? Are they messing with my head? They know, don't they! How could they have found out?  
  
A/N: I changed the very end of this one while trying to work on Chapter 10... I think this chapter is the reason for my excessive Writer's Block. We'll see if and how the change helps me. 


	8. Overheated

A/N: I know things have been moving kind of fast... I'm gonna slow down a bit now and let Piper enlighten you a little more and then we'll get into things and resolve this story! Ready? GO!  
  
A/N: WAIT! I'm sorry it took so long for me to update... I had Writer's Block, and also ummm... I had better things to do. What? You People don't think that I have a life besides fanfiction? I do have Algebra homework, ya know! Continue...  
  
I loathe them. They've ruined my plans with their own desires to continue to be prettier than I am. I can hear them giggling discreetly whenever I'm not looking, and when I finally can't stand their quiet chortles anymore and do look, they make their faces all sad and disappointed-like.  
  
They are always looking at me, judging me. I can see it out of the corner of my eye constantly. It's almost like they are trying to read my mind. I know the whole 'there's something wrong with Piper' bit is all Leo. You know what? He has no right to tell my sisters it something is wrong with me; not that there is anything wrong with me. I don't even know why he hangs around here anymore. No one needs him.  
  
Someone always stays home to baby-sit me; they say they want to keep on eye on me to make sure I don't pass out or throw up again. I know I am not to be trusted under any circumstances. So, I go on walks without notice. Right? Right. This is like my only way to retaliate against my guards. It gets them so worried and pissed off.  
  
As a matter of fact, I am walking now. Looking down at the tar beneath my feel, I notice some dried up worms. It must have rained sometime this week. Poor worms... They come up from the ground when it rains to avoid drowning and then most of them drown anyways. That must suck. When I was little, I used to purposely put the worms in the currents on the street leading to the gutters, or I'd put them in puddles. I thought that they liked this, hence the wiggling, which I assumed was swimming. When I found out that the worms couldn't swim and actually died after I was done watching them squiggling it the puddle, having left to submerge yet another victim, I was so upset with myself. I felt so guilty that I had taken so many lives because if my ignorant views on worms' well being. If they wanted to swim, they would do so on their own.  
  
I hear a car behind me and I look back to see Paige in her little green BMW. I keep on walking and wave my cell-phone in the air, proving that I was thinking ahead, unlike my last trip when I had to find some change on the ground and use a payphone in a booth smelling of urine, probably human. I hear the engine stop and the parking break groan. I groan as well; I don't want a walking partner.  
  
Paige jogs up behind me and I pick up my pace a bit. She tries to act casual with a fake smile plastered on her face. I slow down a bit, wondering what her intentions are. They usually just drive past me. They never stop and join me on my strolls. Sometimes they slow the car down to my pace and roll down the windows, trying to make conversation with me. We look at each other at the same time; her forced smile doesn't cover up the thoughts and feelings that I can identify in her eyes. Deep within those eyes are concern and a little bit of anger, anger rooted from the concern, I guess. "Hey," she starts, "How long have you been out? I got home just a few minutes before I went out to find ya." Her voice is light and her hands are comfortably stuffed in her pockets as she casually speed-walks next to me. It's all an act.  
  
"Well," I begin in the same false demeanor, "I think I've been out around three hours or so, but I didn't check the time before I left." I think she senses that I'm mocking her, but she doesn't comment. My body language clearly tells her that I don't want any company. Paige stops walking, and I continue with a new bounce in my step, victorious in shrugging her off. I here her BMW start and she drives past me, trying not to speed away in defeat. She even stops at the red light and pauses before continuing off when it turns green again. Once more, it's all an act; she probably thought everything through before even leaving her car.  
  
*  
  
Another boring day in the Halliwell Manor, another hot day too. It is now early summer and close to ninety degrees out, hot for San Francisco. I wish we had gotten air conditioners. Just because temperatures like this aren't common around here doesn't mean we shouldn't be prepared. I'm wearing my usual oversized sweatshirt even though it's very humid out. I just feel more secure with it on. I sit in the living room in our big comfy chair with my legs pulled up next to me, covered in loose sweatpants. I don't know where everybody is; I don't really care, either. My skin crawls when they're around; I know their exchanging looks with each other saying how fat and ugly I am and how happy they are that they aren't as putridly hideous as me. They always say this. I know it.  
  
*  
  
In high school, Prue and Phoebe always had strong biceps wrapped around their waists and strong fingers running through their hair... I never had that... I did have a boyfriend once, though. Ninth grade- He was a pig. He only wanted to go out with me because no one else would go out with him. I was the perfect pathetic target, and he knew it.  
  
By this stage in my early high school career, my self-esteem was already way down. The friends that I did have were the kind that you say 'hi' to in the hallways without getting a response and when no one's around, they act like they're your best friend. Mind games.  
  
Jared Wittman wasn't very popular, but he had the kind of friends that don't shun you in the hallways. He was tall and skinny and kind of awkward. When he asked me out, well, had one of his friends ask me out. I said 'yes' automatically. I was the perfect pathetic target. I was too shy to talk to him, but he talked to me a bit; nothing big, just simple questions. One of these questions was about a possible date. I jumped right in for heartbreak and said 'yes'. Grams was so excited for me and my sisters were also, but Prue seemed uneasy about me going on that date when I told her every little thing about him. I just brushed it off as Prue being Prue and went on my date.  
  
I came back home from spending only two hours with Jared in tears. I didn't tell anyone about how it went... I was too scared. Jared had been more aggressive than I had first thought. I had underestimated his physical strength and sexual urges. He had touched me in places that I had never imagined anyone would ever be as insensitive to even contemplate fingering. He was so... He was... He almost raped me. Prue and Grams never knew why I came home all distraught and why I started to wear even baggier clothes for two years after my first date and Phoebe still has no idea, let alone Paige.  
  
When I finally got him off and my pants back on, he told me that I was too ugly to 'do' anyways. He went on to say that my boobs were practically nonexistent and that my stomach went out when is should have gone in. He insulted my looks in every way possible... and I just sat there, zipping up my jeans in the corner and took it. I should have kicked his ass.  
  
*  
  
Now I can show Jared... Jason... Justin? What was his...? Hot... so hot... The room is... blurry, spinning... Falling... falling... Floor coming closer... Stupid slippers...  
  
A/N: I hope you guys don't think the ending of this chapter is too stupid... The next chapter is very good, so I think it'll make up for this chapter's ungoodness.  
  
A/N: This chapter also has a little change in the beginning and just to remind you and explain the end of this chapter--- It's 90 degrees out and Piper is wearing a sweatshirt... 


	9. Symbolism

A/N: Lemme know what you think of this one...  
  
My arms swing around in circles as I try not to fall from the cliff ... At least not yet. I look down at the water below; about fifty feet straight down. The salty ocean water is a clear greenish-blue color and more beautiful than I can even begin to contemplate. I heard the hard footsteps behind me, but ignored them. Leo. We're all alone up here. There's a thick and seemingly never-ending forest behind me and a broken down gondola-type thing to my right and down, hanging off the cliff face. It's old and rotting; the windows are covered in dust from loose dirt.  
  
I peer over my shoulder down a mineral-dotted hill as the footfalls come closer and quickly look back to the clear water below. I inch my toes closer to the edge so they're hanging off just a bit right just as a strong gust of wind blows past, rattling the gondola and blowing debris everywhere, and also, making me loose my balance. My arms swing around in circles again as I try to shift my weight back towards the forest. I hear him scream my name as he ascends the rocky face leading up to the landing I stand on. My weight shifts forward suddenly as Leo finally makes it up the rocks to where I am. I can't look back at him because I will definitely fall if I do; my limbs are still flying everywhere.  
  
When my feet finally leave the ledge, I don't scream at first. I imagine myself as one of those high divers but then re-think trying to imitate them. It's too high; I'll never make it. My limbs will shatter when I reach the water, my neck will break, and I'll drown. That's when I scream. It's high pitched but doesn't really reach my ears; I'm falling too fast. Actually, everything seems to be in slow motion... It always is when it seems that you may die any second.  
  
Hands, reaching... through the bars of the gondola hanging below the cliff face! I reach for them and my body stops, my weight catching up to me, swinging the abandoned gondola slightly. Leo's face catches my eyes; he's biting his bottom lip in effort as he slowly pulls me upward. Our knuckles are white; the only things keeping me from plummeting to my death. I grab one of the rusted metal bars of the gondola and pull myself up, setting my trembling feet on the bottom support bar. I quickly inch along the metal towards the opening at the other end of the hanging contraption without needing any encouragement and pull myself in. Leo's hand is long gone from my grasp. Still shaky, my legs collapse and I fall in a heap on the floor, crying out of fear and relief. Leo remains in the other compartment of the gondola, probably giving thanks for my spared life. The door between the two compartments swings open suddenly and arms wrap around my quivering body. No words are spoken.  
  
*  
  
The metal bench is cold. Leo's probably thinking the same. He's now in his own compartment, mad at me for running off. I'm mad at him for following. He's come up with a list of the usual excuses. "I was trying to protect you!" and "I didn't know where you were going!" and don't forget "...because I love you!" I was running away because he had pissed me off so much that I couldn't stand to be near him. He doesn't understand why I'm doing this...  
  
I miss his embrace. My stubbornness is mostly abandoned as I stand and start towards the door separating the gondola in two. The gondola shakes and I sit on the floor until it stills again. I probably gave myself away. I was going to just look into the other section; I just wanted to see him, to thank him and maybe kiss him... I crawl across the dirty floor and peer into Leo's confined area. Where is he?! Oh my god! He's not there! "Leo?!" I yell, panicking. I stand and brace myself on the door handle as the gondola shudders. I inch the five feet to the third consecutive door off his section of the gondola and peer out. "Leo?" He left me; he left me here to die alone and cold. "Leo!!! Where are you?" My last word is barely audible as I start to sob.  
  
*  
  
Footsteps! I freeze and stop breathing to listen. Careful not to stir my shelter, I move my feet behind me to crawl closer to the opening on the end of the gondola to look for human life. My face is dry and sticky. I didn't cry all than long, but new tears now spring into my eyes. Leo! He came back! My relief turns to anger. Why the hell didn't he tell me that he had left!? "Where the hell were you?!" I'm pissed and he knows it; he almost looks scared. He climbs the few feet down the cliff face to the gondola and steps inside.  
  
"I found a way out," he explains simply. Still on the floor, I glare up at him. He doesn't elaborate.  
  
He leads the way through the forest, telling me to "Step on the thorns, not through them," and "Grab this branch," and my favorite "Be careful." No shit, Leo! I'm not a total ditz!  
  
I stay silent as we trudge through the thick trees and underbrush and stare at his back when there's nothing to avoid on the ground. I want to put my hand on his shoulder. I want him to stop walking and just hold me. I almost do rest my hand on his arm several times, but can't for some reason. I don't know why, but I feel that I've betrayed him for some reason... I wonder where we're going but can't bring myself to ask him.  
  
I estimate that we walked two or three miles to civilization. Houses line the streets and I saw a gas station with a convenience store, but none of it looks familiar. He's still ahead of me and I struggle to keep up. We didn't stop once, I think irately to myself. As if on cue, he stops dead in front of a sign for a high school and next to that same sign, one for a junior high school. He looks off into the distance at the schools, nestled in some trees far from the road, looking like they should be miles apart, with their different architecture and color co ordinations. Leo looks at me for the first time in hours as if knowing something that I don't recall.  
  
My heart stops. Those are my schools; the places where I was ridiculed and harassed because I wasn't the same as everyone else. I see many familiar faces, but one stands out above the rest. Jared, yes, that's his name, Jared looks at me wide-eyed like he can't believe what he is seeing. He seems to approve of me now. I look to Leo again; I look into his eyes and they tell me... his eyes tell me to go in. My eyes focus on faces in the windows of the building, smiling in welcome, menacing welcome. "No!" I back away from him. Why does he want me to go in? What's going on? I turn and run from him. "I'm not going in! I'm not going in!" He runs after me, his feet pounding on the pavement as I veer off the sidewalk and through a churchyard. I race through a graveyard behind the church as Leo calls out to me, telling me that they, my classmates, want me to; that they expect me too. They've been waiting for me to change. I'm far ahead of him so I stop to rest, leaning on a headstone. The cramp in my side thanks me for halting but I can't stop for long. I continue on down a hill, my tired legs weighing me down. I stop abruptly as Leo catches up. He almost runs into me as I turn around. He leans over, his hands on his knees and breathes slowly, trying to bring his heart rate down to normal. "I won't go in," I tell him stubbornly. He smiles softly and stands up straight.  
  
"Then don't," he says simply. I can feel my eyebrows knit together and I squint slightly in confusion. My feet absently move me closer to him, our noses almost touching. Leo leans in and his warm, comforting hands rise to my face, mine remain at my sides. He pushes his soft lips gently onto mine and pulls away again. He looks into my eyes. "Then don't," he whispers softly again, his breath warm on my cheeks. My heart beats faster as I begin to long for his lips on mine once more. I tilt my head slightly, inviting him to continue. I bring my hands to his light, gentle curls and run my fingers through them as he guides his own fingers through my dark locks. He responds to my subtle hints and kisses me, his tongue reverently between his own lips. He doesn't try to ram it down my throat; he lets it touch mine slightly with each kiss, letting me decide the intensity of the contact.  
  
*  
  
I stir with a contented smile on my face. Confusion still clouds my mind. The reverie makes no sense to me. The fear was strong and the lust was overpowering... and still is. I close my eyes and try to feel his lips on mine again. No luck.  
  
A/N: Short but confusing! Muhahahaaaa!!! Tell me what you think. It's not my favorite chapter and the kissing was kind of hard to put into words... Lemme know!  
  
A/N: I originally wrote this as chapter six but upon rereading it, I decided it would be some good falling action. (sorry... I'm doing those plot chart thingys in LA... rising action, climax, falling action etc.)  
  
Added Later:  
  
Look over there... Do you see it? Man, it's ugly!  
  
Chapter Ten? Is that you? OMG! That zealous_obsession really made a mess outta you! Geeze!  
  
Well, I guess I'll read you just to be nice... But I'm warning you; your buddy, Chapter Eleven better be a whole lot better than you are!  
  
Just because Zealous had Writer's Block, doesn't mean she had to take it out on you! I just hope that Chapter Eleven doesn't follow the same fate...  
  
*  
  
'Ello. There's a little bit of humor 'cause I feel like it. Please be merciful in your reviewing of Chapter Ten. He can't help that he's ugly. It's not his fault. Why is he a he? *ponders* Oh well.  
  
Just remember that I do like to receive reviews containing a bit of constructive criticism because it can help make me a better writer, ok? It may even stop me from slaughtering my own story... You never know. 


	10. Symptoms

A/N: Ok, I changed a minor detail in this story starting from chapter seven. The factor changed was the aspect of Leo and the other Charmed Ones knowing about Piper's.. umm.. actions. It just dawned on me that they would have been doing more for Piper if they knew exactly what was going on---- Piper thinks that they know, though--- I suggest you reread from chapter seven anyways because you probably need to refresh your memories after all my un-updated-ness lately...  
  
I can't make sense of it, the dream, even when I had a prequel to it last night. Yes, I had a weird dream prequel.  
  
*  
  
We were at the manor, Leo, my sisters, and I. I had been arguing with the others about something that I wanted to do, but they thought that I shouldn't... I can't remember what. All I know is that I am extremely frustrated that they are restricting me, once again. I'm thinking, last time I checked, I was still the oldest sister!  
  
I find myself running down the street, heart pumping, adrenaline pushing, being chased by Paige's car, carrying my sisters and Leo. The sky is gray, making all of the colors around me muted and dull. There are no flowers anywhere and every house looks the same, white and empty; there aren't even any cars in the driveways. I think to myself, after 18 miles, they should be starting to give up. (After waking, I know that, as usual, my subconscious exaggerates.) I see thick woods coming up in front of me; my oasis for escape; there are no paths wide enough for a car to navigate. So as I enter the woods, the car moves back and forth along the edge, trying to find an possible entrance, looking a lot like a junkyard dog, fenced in and whining to get out.  
  
I run to hide behind a tree and peek around it to watch the car. It drives away. Victorious! They have given up on me! I go to walk further into the forest, and stop dead as I see Leo closing in. His body is very rigid and his face shows no emotion. My heart skips a beat as I race off again aimlessly, dodging trees and hurtling stumps and debris. Leo follows behind me as I slowly make progress in my escape.  
  
I get the feeling that this majestic forest is abandoned; this is just something I know in the dream. I also know that Leo is starting to get more frantic as I stride away from him. For some reason, he won't give up like me sisters did, even when I gain another yard ahead of him.  
  
*  
  
I know that my dream is trying to tell me something. Dreams do that; they are your subconscious trying to help you to solve a problem... I just wish I knew what this problem was.  
  
I don't know why I tried to feel that dreamkiss again. I don't even like Leo, really. We're not even married anymore; I say so. I don't love him anymore; at least I don't think I do. But that's what I said, 'I do.' I said it and I had meant it. I don't know why I wanted to marry him in the first place. I must have loved him, but I don't feel it now. I'm determined not to.  
  
*  
  
I've been dieting for two months now and I've even cut down to only five cups of coffee a day, rather than eight to ten everyday. I look very different, too. Very Beautiful. Even though what I have of breasts has decreased, I still think that little change in my eating habits has made a big difference. I don't have to put my arms high in the air for my belly button to become elongated and beautiful. It now does that naturally.  
  
Oh! My complexion has also changed, become more pale and Paige-like. I love it, even though it brings out my dark circles. My sisters have noticed my whitish yellow skin and are now making me take a mega vitamin everyday. They are making me eat! They make sure to watch me while I try to swallow the huge pill.  
  
An hour from now, they will come upstairs to find me reading and shake out a big yellow pill and hand it to me with a large glass of water. I'll protest, of course, and they will insist that I take the vitamin and guilt me into it, saying that they are just try to be good sisters and that they are trying to be caring friends. I will finally give in and put the humongous yellow... thing in my mouth and chug the whole glass of water down with it so it will actually go down, at least exiting my mouth and getting lodged just below the chocking-point in my throat.  
  
I still have a long way 'till I become as beautiful as I possibly can. I've lost thirty pounds, but I can probably lose another ten by next week. You just wait.  
  
*  
  
Ooo... I hear them coming! Where is that book? There it is, on my desk. Hurry, hurry... Get back into bed... "Piper?"  
  
"Hmm?" I purposely leave my nose in the book as if absorbed in it.  
  
"Piper." I look up this time and Phoebe raises the brown bottle of those awful pills. "Paige's coming up with some water also."  
  
Now I have the big yellow thing in one hand and the cool glass in the other. I look from one to the other and take a deep breath. I wish they would do something while I build my courage to gulp down the vitamin; maybe look around the room casually or... something. But no, my sisters just stand and watch me as I ponder. "Well, go ahead Piper. Chug that big momma down. I make myself do the same every morning."  
  
Paige stops wondering for a moment to cringe. "She makes me take one too."  
  
Suddenly, an idea strikes me. I can avoid the guilt of swallowing this pill easily! I'll swallow just the water! With a slight smirk at my ingenious scheme, I easily pop the pill into my mouth and force it under my tongue. I then gulp down the water, planning to make a disgusted face, as if the feeling of it going down my throat is awful. Then the taste hits me; a bitter and wholly repulsing smack seeps all around my tongue and mouth. I know my face is screwed up into the most disgusted expression, and that I look as if I might puke, but I can't help it. Paige and Phoebe both scrunch up their faces slightly as Phoebe takes the glass gently away from me, saying, "Yeah, you didn't swallow fast enough there, Piper." They both smile sympathetically.  
  
"Do you need more water, honey?" No, no! Just leave! I shake my head violently as they look at my panicked face. They need to leave now so I can be rid of this.. thing in my mouth! I wave them off, trying not to look too desperate or guilty. They quickly exit the room, knowing that I am becoming frantic but probably not why. Actually, they probably do know that I was trying to scheme them and my plan backfired... They were probably laughing at me after they left, but I wasn't thinking about that; I was too busy spitting repeatedly in the sink, try to vanquish that horrid taste from my mouth. I caught the pill before it went down the drain and got my revenge. I took a cup and ground that stupid, revolting pill into little pieces and then wiped those cursed chunks into that cup and filled it with hot water, dissolving every bit of it. A few hours later, when it's residue was finally out of my mouth, I dumped the now liquefied vitamin into the toilet and flushed it into the sewers.  
  
From now on, I will just discreetly drop the pill down my shirt as I take a sip of the water. I think I'll even practice the maneuver later. I guess this pen cap will to nicely. I will also dispose of the vitamins in my new ritual of crushing and dissolving the putrid supplement and then washing it down the drain.  
  
*  
  
I think something may be wrong with me. Seriously. I'm brushing my hair and lots of it is coming out. At first I just ignored it but more and more kept on collecting is bunches on my brush. I presently ran my fingers through my hair and now there are at least twenty strands in my hand. I have no idea what to do... Maybe I should wear a bandana to bed to try and keep those hairs on... Maybe they will re-root. I should probably take a break from brushing and washing my hair for a while and let it... heal, I guess.  
  
Also, just this morning I was brushing my teeth. My gums have been bleeding a little bit when I brush for about a month, but sometimes that just happens because you are brushing better than you used to and your gums need to get used to it. But this morning I could actually taste the blood and when I spit, the foam from the toothpaste was bright red. I was so scared and I still am a bit worried. My gums wouldn't stop bleeding for fifteen minutes. I almost went downstairs to talk to my sisters about it, but then figured they would overreact. I was having a hard enough time try to keep myself from overreacting. I don't think I'll brush my teeth tonight. I think I'll just let my gums heal...  
  
A/N: One word: Malnourishment.  
  
Update:  
  
Ok, major update on the whole 'Writer's Block' thing. You guys are gonna hate me, but I extremely dislike my story at the moment. There are some good parts but they have nothing to do with the actual plot. I'm planning on changing a few things besides some of the plotwork to make it an original fiction. This, of course, will take quite a while, seeing as I procrastinate like the dickens and have no real free time anyways. I'll try to tell you guys when each chapter is complete but I'm not going to post until at least half of the story is completed. The worst part? I hired a beta reader but haven't actually sent her anything worth correcting. Heh. Sorry, again Lizzy.  
  
Well, feel free to yell at me, via review. Don't hit me too hard though. Brain damage might make this whole process even slower.  
  
Zealous 


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